Not to make light of this, but you may want to step back and consider if you are overreacting. I don't mean that in a critical way.
Strip away all the legalities of it and say you do give the records to the father and you document that from all the data you had, it was your belief that he had a right to look at the records. I haven't followed the whole thread, but you could compromise and sit down with him and read through it.
The reason I say this, is the line in your post about the mother coming after you. I have done this for 18 years and been in a number of similar situations, and while we may have done something that was illegal or not confidential, a parent has never "come after us."
