Home Forums Discussions General Discussion A Christmas story

I would like to share a Christmas story.

When I was young, my family lived in a part of town where it was common for families to have a gardener to help tend the yards. While we were not ?Rich?, we thought of ourselves as being ?comfortably well off.? These men were typically Hispanic, and, while I do not know what they were paid, it was doubtless not much.

One year, when I was perhaps 10 years old, my mother sent me down to the corner toy store to buy some sort of present for one of my nephews. It was not a large or especially thoughtful gift.. more along the lines of ?we have two presents for Steven and only one for Charlie, so go buy another game for him.? I rode my bike to the store, and went in and picked up the game. I expect it cost around $5.00 or so then. I started towards the checkout counter.

As I approached the counter, I saw one of the local gardeners there ahead of me, dressed in his worn and somewhat soiled clothing. In one hand, he had a red rubber ball. In the other, he was counting out pennies to pay for it.

The vision of this moment is burnt into my brain. I see myself standing there. I knew, absolutely, that this was the only gift he was able to afford for his child. And there I am, with some meaningless item in my hands that cost 10 times that amount. And, I did not know what to do.

For virtually every Christmas since then I have thought about this incident, and the feelings come flooding back. The shame, the rage I felt. The compulsion to run up and shove the game I was holding into his hands. And the equally certain knowledge that this would have been the wrong thing to do. That it would have somehow destroyed something I could not name. All I knew was the paralysis, the turmoil, and the anguish I felt.

This was nearly 60 years ago. And, if I were in that position again, I would still not know what to do. The best I can offer when I tell my daughter this story is to acknowledge that so many people are not as lucky as we, and to be grateful for what we have. And, I would like to offer that to you as my gift.

Thank you David.

David,

For the past two hours I have been trying to decide how to respond to your post. Your observation is pertinent, but your analysis ("That it would have somehow have destroyed something that I could not name") is brilliant.

My question: Are we really richer? Financially, of course, yes. But are we? I have been practicing in a relatively poor area for 25 years. Some of the poorest people are truly some of the richest. Why? Faith and family. All the material things that we work so hard for are, ultimately, unsatisfying (although, granted, very nice to have.)

Solomon, if we believe the biblical account, was perhaps the smartest, and certainly one of the richest, people who ever lived. The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes summarizes his feelings, presumably written close to the end of his life. He speaks of wealth, wisdom, riches, and earthly pleasures as ultimately being meaningless. His conclusion? "Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."

So how do I respond to your post?

Do what you can. In your life, and in your practice, respect this man. Treat him as you would have him treat you. Appreciate what you have, but realize that it is temporary.

Again, thanks for the thoughtful post.

Gene

Thanks, David, for your story.
I don't recall having that depth of insight at age 10. I do recall times of anguish for not reaching out when I felt I should do so, yet confused as how to best do so.
The times I have summoned the courage, or been able to do so anonymously, carry a great warmth of remembrance.
Best wishes, and Merry Christmas, and best of all, Happy Birthday Boss!

Thanks, David. I definitely can relate to that story. We had consciences in those days, even at young ages. Our parents instilled them in us. Now days, parents seem to forget how important transferring their conscience into their children is and what the long term consequences might be

Yes, David; thanks for the thoughtful and thought-provoking story.

Elsewhere online, a physician posted a simple story about giving a few dollars to help an indigent parent who was a few dollars short in the checkout line at the supermarket. He described the satisfaction he felt from such an easy and painless act of kindness. His story made me think about the fact that while there may be a million ways to perform meaningful and kind deeds, it can be hard to find the right time and place and way to do so; even when we truly want to. In his specific example, how can you be sure that the person needs or wants that help, or will appreciate it rather than resenting it? This reminded me of your story, as I believe that grappling with the search for the ?right way? to be generous is one of its themes.

It is easy for us to overlook how special it is to be a physician in these challenging times. One way we are lucky is that we live with the knowledge that every day we are doing good for others. I don?t intend to demean other professions: stockbrokers, lawyers, plumbers, salespeople, etc., etc., all ?help? people? but what we have chosen to do is somehow different from many other jobs. Even on a bad day, we have helped people feel better, helped them deal with pain, live with grief, and address their mortality. Even on our worst days when we are furious and frustrated?when the insurance company rejects a legitimate claim, or won?t authorize a medication, or when a ?deadbeat? won?t pay their co-pay?even on all of those days, we don?t have to figure out ?How can I be charitable today? How can I do a good deed?? Because we have already done it. Even if we don?t always get the appreciation we deserve, we should live with the satisfaction of knowing that we have done some good.

So David, you have carried this seemingly simple story with you all of your life. I don?t know you and I don?t know your practice. But I would bet that by your choice of a career and by the way you practice medicine, day by day, you have addressed your ?shame and rage?. You say you would not know how to deal with the same situation, if it were to occur today; I would say that you have spent your life dealing with it. In the best possible way.

I would like to suggest one of the simplest ways of doing so, that so many Upper Middle Class and the Truly beyond our day to day comprehension Super Rich either ignore or are all too concerned about "Face" and appearences that they pretty much Never engage in such things. I just did it again this morning talking to the very tired, sweaty young man who clears the mutual shared porch and stairs, handicapped ramp for the three offices in our little building. And what was that simply act of kindness you might ask??? Positive Recognition and a simple but ver sincerely phrased, sounding "Thank You".

The guy who had our contract last thru our landlord here, they plowed once in the early morning as properly needed and again as needed all be it harder with three businesses worth of customers coming and going, in the lot, little or no ability to do the nice long orderly pushes. But the young man who would come and do the hand shoveling of the porch and other parts Came at the very end of the business day. Like how useless is that? By then we would have at least done the stairs and small area that was directly in front of our doors for our folks including elderly folks, disabled folks, and parents with young kids too.

So now at just about 9:30 am this young guy was finishing up all sweaty and well done, goodness knows how many other similar places he has been to already and has left to go on this 12 inch deposited over night morning and driving around in it too to get to us and others. So I said thanks so much for coming early in the day so it will be clear for our folks coming and going during the day. And I explained to him our frustration with the previous guys who had the contract and the young man who did his gig last. He was truly understanding and you could see he felt good to be recognized and appreciated for the hard, sweaty job he does, one of those similar almost "invisable" jobs for the most part. I know what that is like and feels like too. You see I was a mover, a stagehand and lots of other sweaty, by the strength of my back manual worker and tech most of the first half of my working life. Not until we opened Nancy's practice did I become a more "office and desk" cognitive worker as I am today.

I regularly say "Thanks" and "Thank You" to the waiters and waitresses no matter what the place, big or small, Swanky or greasy spoon, gas pump jockies and all the rest as long as I'm not lost in my own spaced out mind or particularly cranky. Heck when cranky most of the time I half catch myself and appologize authentically too.

Simply recognizing those that work hard and take good care of you, provide good hard labor with their feet, backs, sweat off their brow, it means the world to them when said with authentic kindness or recognition of a job appreciated and well done.

Lastly, as a on foot pizza delivery guy at 18 and as a mover I finally really learned pretty early in life the meaning and the value of a well intended and thought out "Tip". If you know that the folks who work for you are underpaid and underappreciated perhaps even by their own bosses and could use a bit more in the end of the week envelope; again done with normal respect and kindness, appreciation, prehaps even an approrpiate to what they do or did for you TIP, makes a huge difference in a manual laborers day and financial life too. As a mover with some of the better more recognized local and regional companies our tips were fairly nice for the time period and cost of living. In the hot weather of NYC in the spring and summer one can consume a lot of food and cold drink all too easily. And you need to feed that body that is working so hard for you to earn you wages. Well, I was able to live day to day, even on fairly expensive NYC sandwiches and cold bottled drinks and subway fare, perhaps even bank a modest amount of it just on the Tips which then allowed me to actual have a full post tax paycheck to put in the back and or pay my real life bills, rent and the like that we all work for a living to cover in the first place.

That's my two cents for what it is worth as a guy who worked hard at such jobs for a good part of my life. Take it for what it is worth.

Happy & Healthy New Year,
Paul

Here is a lovely story not quite on Christmas. We had a family with two children. They were poor and had to take the bus. One day, while waiting for their Medicaid to kick in, they needed some medicine for one of their children. They couldn't afford it. So, we started a collection at the front desk and took donations from our patients. Soon, we had collected over $300.00, and we called them and gave them the money.

A month later one of their children needed Intuniv to help his ADHD. We gave them samples. I knew a lot about Intuniv, but I didn't know you couldn't cut it in half. It was 1 mg. It comes in up to 4 mg. The pharmacist OK'd it, but another pharmacist called them to tell them it wasn't supposed to be cut.

So, they filed a complaint with the board.

Just thought that was a touching story.

Bert,

Even though I am MKSAP'ed out and my brain is sappy (on 6/6 of module A, studying till about 11pm each noc) I can't not respond to your touching story.
You should be admired for your collection of donations and you attempt at cost savings with the Intuniv.
However, giving is a strange human trait. Would you do it all again if you knew the outcome would be the same?

I do not know you, but I bet you would.

I likely would. And, thanks for your post.

Lori and I were requested to reprise our roles as Santa and Mrs Claus this year at the rec-center before Christmas, and then something interesting came up.

A Fireman that I know asked us to help him out, and do our thing one more time before we packed the Santa suit for the year. He and the rest of their firehouse wanted to do something for the homeless population that they interact with regularly on calls. There is a group that works with homeless families who live in their cars, to transition them off the street - meanwhile they provide a secure parking lot for them to park at night and porta-potties.

They wanted no media attention, so everything was hush-hush, but Santa showed up on the back of a ladder truck, and I had the privilege of sitting in a camp chair in a parking lot Christmas eve calling out kids names and experiencing Christmas.

Such grace and thankfulness in a fenced parking lot under a security light. It was the high-point of Christmas for us.

We had followed this thread David started prior to that night, and talked at dinner with the guys in the Firehouse about our Doctor friends who have made life choices to care for others; there was quiet agreement around the table that night.

We'll post in more detail on our own site later this month and update this post with a link.

Riding on the top of that ladder truck (with my 6'3" fireman handler keeping a watchful eye and grip), I thought of this thread, and how the impacts we make (small or large) are by our personal actions.

Keep the fires in your heart (and belly) burning bright in 2013, it will take determination at times.